“Cereal Stalker” Part 2

Cereal Stalker: Part 2


Scott Harper

Before he retired, my father worked for a cereal company that specialized in the manufacture of children’s cereals. His grandmother, my great-grandmother, was a sorceress—unbeknownst to me at the young age of seven, of course.

One day, my father ran some new product ideas by me. I didn’t like them, and told him so in no uncertain terms. That upset him. Word of that made its way back to my great-grandmother. The next time I visited her, she placed the spell on me.

The spell was meant to make me learn appreciation for my father’s hard work.

Yeah; it did that—in spades!

See, that’s one thing about magick. No matter how adept you are with its use, spells will commonly manifest the desired results, but in very unexpected ways.

The day after the curse—to this day I’m unable to think of it any other way—was placed on me I ate a bowl of Cottontail Poofs for breakfast. Yes, that multi-colored, super-sugary cereal with the hyper-active cartoon rabbit mascot? You see where this is going?

For the next three hours I channeled that cartoon rabbit’s energy and personality. About midway through that time, great-grandma realized what caused it and the shock gave her a heart attack. We lost not only her that day but also my best chance of ever having this curse lifted.

After that, I grew up mostly eating the bland, boring adult cereals, until the day I witnessed a robbery in progress in the grocery store I frequented while I was shopping. I ran to the cereal aisle, ripped open a box of Super Rice and chowed down on a few handfuls of that sugary goodness. Within moments I was channeling the cereal mascot’s powers—super strength, super speed, and invulnerability.

I pulled my shirt over my head to hide my face, zipped up to the would-be robber at super speed, bent the barrel of the gun in his hand in to a quasi-“U” shape, and then tapped him on the forehead. That little blow knocked him out and I dashed away before anyone could get a better look at me.

That was how it all started. That day, I realized my curse could help others, no matter how much I hated what it did to me. That’s how I got started stockpiling children’s cereals in my pantry.

That’s how I ended up on the docks, hiding behind a cargo container wench, shoveling handfuls of multi-colored whole-grain fish shapes from a plastic baggy into my mouth.

I chewed the dry cereal as quietly as I could. If the men holding the guns a few feet away heard the crunching I just might get shot.

Why, oh why did the manufacturer stop making Super Rice?


To Be Continued…

Scott Harper



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